Try a few of these methods as a sure fire way to get fired… I didnt come up with them, I’m not that creative. Read the full list here.
The Hasselhoff
Explain that where you come from, a Speedo and an unbuttoned shirt is considered “business casual.”
The Fredo
Arrive at work early and hide under your boss’ desk. When the boss arrives, do nothing but hide for the first three hours. Then roll up his pants so slowly he doesn’t notice. Then lick his shin. After he finishes freaking out and asks you what the hell you’re doing, tell him that he’s crazy, and that you have no idea what he’s talking about. Do the “screws loose” gesture with your hands, and then kiss him on the mouth and say, “You broke my heart.”
The Moviefone Guy
If you’re working as an operator for 911, answer all your calls in the Moviefone guy voice. “Hello, and thank you for calling 911. What is your emergency? For murder, press one. For a house fire press two. For car accident press three. For all other emergencies, press 5.” Then transfer them to Moviefone.
The Halloween Boss
On Halloween, come in piss drunk and dressed like your boss (doesn’t matter man or woman). Walk around the office slurring your words and repeatedly insist, “I am the boss! Look at me!” Be sure to piss yourself and fire anyone who crosses you.
The Ma Fratelli
Take whatever money you have in your pocket and make B&W copies of the bills on the office copy machine while laughing manically and repeating, “It’s too fucking easy”
The Worm
Store live bait in the refrigerator with a price tag. When confronted, ask how much they want. Then when they insist you remove it, deny having put it there, and get angry at the implication.
The Auctioneer
Sell office items on ebay. “Hey Mr. Jones, I need your chair. Some guy in Boston bought it for 85 bucks… You believe that? Don’t worry; I’ll cut you in. How’s 80/20 sound? It’s only fair since I did the all work.”
Entries (RSS)