When I’m unsure or uncomfortable about a particular situation I am oft reluctant to write about it or anything else for that matter. I’ve logged in five or six times in the past week and started to write only to delete it all and leave my computer with no new information. I’m not sure if I am more worried about the information being out in the open, something that rarely effects my judgment, or knowing that as soon as I write it all down I admit to it and must own up to it and all of the reprecussions associated with it. I do have a hard time finding something to write about most days as I live a mundane and simple life… lets face it, I’m no movie star and I’m not saving small villages from evil global corporations. I’ve never been in an arm wrestling contest and little I have done in my life would be worthy of a montage. I do wonder, if I were to have a montage, what the music might be. Think back to all of the terrible montages that littered movies throughout the 1980’s. I feel a little cheated by them in some aspects because well, its just freakin lazy. Rather than take the time to clearly explain all of the details you get some cut scenes with some relatively corny music. Sure, at the time you don’t think much of it but if you watch it years later you’ll discover that it is absolutely awful.
It appears I don’t have writers block after all.
I started back on the “diet” in an effort to make my pants fit comfortably again. I only get carbs for breakfast and lunch and almost none after that. My body complains like its in a constant state of hunger but I know better than that… its just lazy and I need to push it to do more. Never have I been able to look inside myself and find the motivation to complete a task, at almost all times (well its not really never but I don’t care) I need to look to another person for inspiration. I wonder what might happen if I were alone and had no other person to look to. Would I stop living or would I toughen up?
I had a strange dream last night. There was a man that was walking along a balance beam that was over the top of a swamp that had a large gator inhabiting it. The gator was trying to bite at the man as he struggled to make it across. He threw out a large piece of pizza that he happened to be carrying and it distracted the gator for a few seconds. The gator quickly chomped down the pizza and began pursuing him yet again. He lost his balance at that point and fell in the water. Quickly standing up from his fall, he put his foot out (barefoot of course) in an effort to ward the gator away. The gator approached with his mouth open. The man put his foot in the gators mouth to try to stop him when the gator bit and rolled the man in the water tearing off the lower portion of his leg. Somebody told me to help him so I grabbed a folding chair, jumped into the water, and began to beat the gator on his head. I grabbed the main and pulled him to safety.
I walked away and the man bled to death as the other people watched and failed to react. They didn’t have a clue as to how to save him. I guess I didn’t know or I didn’t care.
There should be more later if I find the words…
Tags: car, diet, war, water
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