Defiantone.com

In Iraq I really only knew a few things to be true - I knew that it was going to be hot during the day and I also knew that it was going to be dark and noisy at night.

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When I finally left I rode out on dark and noisy military transport - a continuation of a theme. My camera doesn’t like extremely shaky environments full of low light conditions but I think I captured enough for you to understand how enjoyable the ride actually was for us. If you look at the bottom picture, cram yourself into a closet with 4-6 other people, crank up the volume to the maximum level on your speakers, and sit/stand there for three hours you’ll have a slight understanding of how “comfortable” it was

I’ve uploaded a few more pictures from my time in Iraq in the gallery - the new stuff starts on page 4

I got home and met a fantastic girl in the airport - well - I it wasn’t the first time I’ve met her but it had been quite a while since I had last seen her.

We went home and she showed me around our house - where we had the lengthy task of unpacking looming on the horizon.

Luckily - I’m a task oriented guy and we got starting working at the task so it could be done - and so we could look forward to the party we were to have that weekend.

The house is complete with a garage and two dogs in the backyard - one of which will flop around like a fish if you ignore her.

We had a party and it was a great time despite me knowing only a handful of the people there - I met quite of few of Jessica’s friends but there names are already a mystery to me - damn short term memory. Feel free to check out more photos of the house in the gallery - thats it for now

Tags: Balad, beer, booze, Deployment, dogs, fun, gallery, home, house, Iraq, Jessica, military, moving, party

While I haven’t yet reached the west coast I have arrived in America and its quite nice to be back. I’m still rocking the same clothes that I’ve been wearing for the past 60 or so hours. Traveling via military channels seldom goes without a hitch and I had quite a few.

I was scheduled to leave Iraq on a nice and roomy C-17. We got to the terminal 8 hours before our plane was scheduled to depart (standard procedure). We got on the buses when the time came for us to depart but were turned around halfway to the plane - our original mission time had been scrubbed due to a sand storm. It dashed our hopes of leaving on time. We waited for 4 hours after our plane was supposed to depart in hopes that the skies would clear - the didn’t. They sent us back to the housing area and told us that we should come back 12 hours later. A few hours after we got back they told us that our flight would be leaving in 6 hours - a full 6 hours early wahoo! It turns out that they lied - we ended up waiting 14 hours at the terminal for our plane to leave.

While there we experienced the ubiquitous indirect fire attack (they were shooting mortars at us). I was asleep on one of the benches as EVERYONE else in the room hit the deck and covered their heads when the klaxon alarms went off. I didn’t move and inch. I woke up a few hours later and laughed as they told me about what had happened. I laughed because its funny - really - it is. I guess you have to be a complete and total cynic to laugh at sleeping through a mortar attack. Truth is, I’ve slept through dozens of them and was fine. They can’t aim and the base is HUGE! The odds of probability were on my side.

So - eventually we got stuck on a C-130. I’ve got to say - worst plane ride ever. Most of you have been crammed into economy seats - these seats economy look like first class. In order to cram us all in we had to be creative. The plane had seats along the outside wall of the plane and seats in the center facing out - while seated you were facing someone else. In order to make the fit we had to alternate legs - your leg, the person across from you, your leg, another person across from you - I have a video that I’ll upload later when I have time (and I’m not paying for internet by the hour).

We got to Al Udeid (in Qatar) and we scheduled to come back to the terminal in 14 hours to catch our flight. We were supposed to meet up at 5PM. The time came near and we were told that we weren’t going to leave as planned. We were told to meet again at 5AM. We got to the terminal at about 0530 expecting to leave around noon. The airplane gods are a vengeful bunch and delayed our plane - again. Our departure time slipped an additional 3 hours. Oh joy!

I’m finally home and thats the important part - and - I’m only hours away from seeing my girl. I can’t wait.

Tags: air force, airplane, Al Udeid, Balad, Deployment, Iraq, Jessica, military, Qatar, travel, USAF

Well, after 130 some odd days my time in dodge is finally over and I am getting the heck out of here. I’ve got more time to kill before my plane gets here but I don’t have to sleep another night (or day in my case) in Iraq.

The most baffling thing about my trip is that for some reason I haven’t made the Iraqis free. I put together explosives and they get dropped on people and for some reason we haven’t cleaned up this whole debacle yet. I figured I, of all people, could come over here and stop the shenanigans in Iraq.

Alas, I have failed in my quest to make them free - I don’t think this one is going to be fixed overnight (or within the next 3-5 years).

Oh well -

Tags: Balad, Deployment, desert, Iraq, John, travel

It is quite hard to find humor in my life here but there are a few things that make me laugh - daily - in Iraq. I took a few photos today of some things that make you laugh or just say huh? So, without any further delay, here they are.

This is a random bumper sticker stuck on a random room - and it makes me laugh every day. Its a shame this isn’t a real trailer park because we’d have overweight slobs sitting in kiddie pools drinking PBR all day long.

This sign has always seemed a little odd - as if we didn’t pay quite enough to the contractor to get it right. I thought about it for a while and the angle of the walker makes it look like they are trying to sneak across the road. Caution - people sneaking across the road! BEWARE!

For reference - here is a normal crosswalk sign

I looked a little closer at the image and noticed why he was sneaking

Damn, that guy is some brand of mutant! Look! He’s got lobster claws for hands! It’s no wonder he’s trying to sneak across the road - I now know why we should exercise caution - you don’t want to piss of a guy with lobster claw hands!

Look! It’s an oxymoron. You’ll see a sign that says “high noise area - hearing protection required” within two feet of “Silent Power.” uhhh…. yeah…. This is one of the MANY diesel generators spread across the base. I’m sure that most of the middle east gets their power in the same fashion and I’ve got to wonder what happens to them when they run out of oil - solar power?

Here is a shot of the sun setting - finally! It can also be used as a metaphor for my trip finally coming to an end. I’ve got less than 2 days left here and then I start the long trip home - I can’t wait to get back.

Tags: Balad, diesel, funny, generator, humor, Iraq, life, oil, oxymoron, photo, sign

My roommate (one of the three) told me that he was bored as hell here and couldn’t wait to leave. I told him that I really didn’t have a problem because I’m an expert at goofing off. I hope that my expertise will take me through the next week because I have little to do save for goof off and travel from one point to the next. I do have a few books I saved back in case I decide to read as well as a laptop filled with hours of music. Internet cafes are always close and there are places to play video games and watch movies. I can still go to the gym and I can eat 4 times a day if I really wanted to (I don’t). I can play card games and billiards at the rec center if I wished to do so. I could just walk around base and sweat - or I could just sweat - its warm out here. I’ve redefined warm by the way - if its less than 100 its warm. If its over 100 its hot. If its over 110 a gateway to hell has opened and is blasting us with the overwhelming heat of hell. If its 120+ well, its probably the end of the world as I know it… but, I’ll be fine.

Wish me luck - its goof off time

Tags: Balad, boredom, goofing off, Iraq, John, travel

I’ve been having a difficult time dealing with other people during my last few weeks here. My behavior to their actions remains the same but I have been unable to contain my frustration lately. Yesterday I drug a 6500 pound trailer 200 yards - by myself. I probably could have pulled it a half a mile because I was getting a little bit cranked.

Whats my problem with him? He is using the “buddy” system, he is lazy, he loves to brown nose, and he spends most of his time trying to look important while doing nothing at all. As you can imagine, it can get on your nerves. I just want to go down to the building, do the work required, and come back.

He wants to hang out with his buddies and play cards. While he is playing cards I get to do the work - he isn’t moving from his chair. When new people show up he is all “show” - when superiors show up he is also all “show”. Frankly, I’m tired of it and look forward to not working with this individual again.

When I’m not at work I’m a happy care free guy - well, as long as the power is working. Its almost like a 180 degree difference. Its not a 108 degree difference, but, it was that warm outside today. Yes, I say warm because the worst is yet to come. Sorry for the tangent - my mind is wandering. Making this person change their habits is probably impossible because the other guy that outranks me has the same problem. We’re fighting the valiant fight and neither of us are winning. Most people can blow off their steam - I just need to blow off some energy. I could also spend time away from work - and it seems all better. Its a shame I have to go back - oh well, only 9 more days turning wrenches.

Tags: Balad, desert, idiot, Iraq, work

BlueCoat, the web filter ran by the USAF, has caused me much aggravation since my arrival at Balad. I am not the only one that is feeling pain - everyone else is affected by this poorly written web filter. Recently, I discovered a way to circumvent the filter - RSS feeds. Techically, I’m accessing the site information without breaking the terms of service because I am not accessing the site or any restricted content - including all images hosted on that server that could potentially corrupt me (I think the only reason the filter exists is to 1. save bandwidth, 2. block porn, 3. prevent idiots from downloading viruses). RSS stands for really simple syndication - really, I’m not kidding at all. Its the summarized content of a website that is delivered without all of the extra advertising, images, and themes of the full website. You get the good part of the website without all of the crap that slows down your browsing experience. RSS feeds are read and displayed by readers that can be web or desktop based.

Google - the company that does almost everything - well, they haven’t figured out how to build an electric car that runs for a 1000 miles on a single charge… yet - has a free reader that is quite simple to use. Simply register, subscribe to the websites of your choosing, and read away. The reader allows you to view all feeds or just those that have been recently updated. I’ve added a RSS link that you can see to your right - right below the Askimet spam count. Click on the link and you can easily add my feed to the reader of your choice. You’ll never miss another gripping update - ever - you can rest easily now.

So - Screw you BlueCoat - I’m going to get my news one way or another.

Tags: aggravation, Balad, blocked, BlueCoat, bypass, desert, filter, internet, USAF

Chuck Norris - the man - the myth - the guy that kills with a roundhouse kick to the face is quite popular among members of the armed services. A few years ago somebody came up with a bunch of Chuck Norris “facts” that turned out to be quite hilarious. They spread like a virus across the internet and many people have read them and took the time to create their own facts.

They aren’t real facts but they are funny - for example

Chuck Norris doesn’t teabag the ladies, he potato sacks them.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

The soldiers at LSA Anaconda/Balad decided to hold a birthday party in his honor with a special “Chuck Norris” menu.

Items served included

sidekick swiss steak
drop-kicked noodles
furious fried fish
sneaky rice
Green Beret beans
roundhouse carrots
Delta Force Gravy
Walker Texas Toast

Check out the scanned article (click to enlarge).

Tags: Balad, birthday

I live inside of a fenced and concrete walled compound. Blast walls and revetments surround every building on base. Sand bags can be found everywhere - they surround most of the buildings. Construction crews, scurrying around the base like ants, build new walls daily further fortifying the nearly impenetrable fortress. Larger buildings are fitted with a secondary roof to deflect the blast of an indirect round. Arrays of sensors scan the perimeter of the base for incoming rounds and intruders - nothing will get past our defensive nets.

Unfortunately, this isn’t the only type of barrier that I deal with on a daily basis. I spend a few hours every day browsing the internet for the latest and greatest - well, everything. Downtime at work is inevitable - the unofficial Air Force motto is “Hurry up and wait.” At the moment, we are spending most of our time waiting for something to happen. When it does happen, we all jump at the chance to do some work. In fact, we often fight over who gets to do the work yes, we are that bored. I tend to stay in the news/science/technology vein but I do like to have a good laugh once in a while. Many of the most popular sites on the internet are available for me to browse at my free will - many other sites are blocked by a demon known as BlueCoat.

BlueCoat is a content firewall that classifies websites based upon perceived and real content. If the algorithm determines that a website contains profanity, the filter will label the website accordingly and block the domain from being accessed. The filter is designed to restrict content so that it falls within acceptable use guidelines for military networks and it also restricts content to preserve bandwidth. We are given the luxury of being able to surf the internet to improve morale - often we do not have this luxury.

My gripe with BlueCoat is that it does a crappy job of filtering - instead of using a M82 sniper rifle and popping the target square between the eyes the algorithm tends to grab an AK47 with a spray and pray method. The filter, from what I can ascertain, blocks all pages with the word “blog” in them. These pages are classified “personal” and are subject to being blocked. Instead of looking at the content of the website - the filter looks for one single word and instantly adds it to the ban list. My website is blocked and I am unable to access it from work - not a huge deal but it means I have to type this article, email it to myself, check my email at the cyber cafe, and post it there at a later point in time. Some websites - like the NY Times - use a sub domain “blog” for articles written by members of their journalistic staff that appear on a re-occurring basis. Other websites use the loosely defined definition of the word blog in their meta name (tags used to help a search engine better classify a website) and are banned from access.

The definition blog - Short for “Web log,” a specialized site that allows an individual or group of individuals to share a running log of events

They have a log of events - written by an individual or a group. So, we can have logs written by groups or individuals but we cannot call them blogs? We cannot view any website written by an individual that is not part of a corporation or larger entity?

I am at the mercy of a poorly written web filter - where is a good coder when you need him?

Hmm… I wonder if I can get a local cleric to issue a fatwa against it?

Tags: Balad, blocked, blog, BlueCoat

John McCain is the guy leading the republican side of the race and Obama is in the lead on the other front.

I’ve been watching McCain for years and I’ve gotta say that I like him more than any of the other candidates. He has been under fire from conservatives because he isn’t conservative enough. I like him for that reason alone. He has been branded a hot headed maverick. He plays both sides of the field. He stands up for what is right. He listens when he needs to and acts when he needs to.

Obama feels like media hype to me. I don’t know enough about the guy to understand how he might react to something. When I choose a candidate I stray away from the “issues” and try to determine how that individual will react in a crisis. Will they make a sound judgment call?

I’m still quite undecided - aside from the fact that I will never vote for Hillary - unless Cheney was running - in which case I might move to Canada.

I took a few new photos - including one of myself

I tried out the panorama maker software of my camera with surprising results (click the image for the BIG version)

I’m looking to the time I get out of here - I’m planning on doing something - as identified by the photo below. Its never Miller time - its Guinness time -

I took a few random videos - I don’t even remember what they were - you’ll have to watch and see

I wish I had time to really write something of note but this is all that I’ve got time for at the moment.

Tags: Balad, Canada, desert, Guinness, McCain, Obama, politics