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Well, it’s finally over and its been one heck of a month. I’ve seen my fair share of horrendous mustaches but they were all grown for the cause. They spread a new sense of hope and understanding as more people across the world were aware of the plight of those afflicted by a mustache. While walking across the base every day I saw all variety of mustaches from the well trimmed to the unruly and barely grown (mine).

At one time this month I was accosted by the mustache mafia - an incident that nary a man survives.
I was sitting at the chow hall minding my own business as I was watching sports center when they began to descend on me. The table, of which I was previously the sole occupant, was quickly filled with men all sporting mustaches. They quickly crammed around me and acted as if I wasn’t there. They knew that their mustaches were far superior to mine and they were trying to force me out of the feeding grounds. I wasn’t going to take any of their crap - well, I would if they had asked because they were all pilots. Its an odd thing - the two groups most likely to grow a mustache are pilots and cops… how odd. Eventually they saw that their superior display of mustache growing skills was not going to scare me but they decided to give it one more shot. They tried on yet another day to try and cram around me but I was still undeterred - I was not moving until I was finished. They realized that I was not going to be pushed out. Soon after, they retreated to the picnic tables outside of the building and never crossed my path again. In defiance of the odds, I had vanquished my vastly superior foes.

So, hats off to all those that joined the cause. I salute you. I would look forward to next year but I don’t think Jessica is going to let me participate. She will probably threaten me with physical harm and I don’t know if I can put up with a months worth of being beaten around the head and shoulders.

Well, it’s near the end of the month and many have failed to partake in the madness. I am one of the few left and its probably the most hideous abomination of a mustache on earth. Its so grotesque that I feared breaking my camera. I know that some of you are screaming at the monitor right now in hate because you wanted to end your life but I couldn’t allow something so disgustingly awful to get out. It would be like putting a loaded gun in the hand of every suicidal maniac - its just not worth it. You can rest easy now - there will be no photos of this atrocious beastie - I’ll keep it under wraps for your mental health and wellbeing.

If there was a contest for the ugliest stache I would probably win - thank god they don’t have one - you’ll sleep easier at night.

Do you have a mustache and you’re not sure how to classify it? If the American Mustache Institute didn’t help you out you might have to default to the help of an 8 bit friend - Mario.

Mario is seen sporting a variety of fashionable mustaches - unfortunately, most of these are far too outlandish for the military. I’d be forced to choose something Nordic in nature - like Lars the Viking… yes, I think that would be excellent.

Its a shame that 4 days into the contest people can’t tell that I’m even a contestant - ha! I know, that without a shadow of doubt, I will have the most hellacious, horrendous, obscene mustache ever known to man. This is going to be hilarious.

Throughout the years many people have sported a lip caterpillar - I’ve collected a few photos of some of notable stache bearers - enjoi!

Though deceased, this crooner spotted a wicked entertainer stache sure to help swoon the ladies

Will Ferrell threw back to the 70’s with this stache he sported in the movie Anchorman - what a beautiful thing

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Tags: gallery, images, March Mustache Madness, mustache

Each month of of the year brings something special to our lives - we often associate holidays with particular months. Christmas is associated with December; Halloween is associated with October; St. Patrick’s day is associated with March. Often, we tie themes to entire months - February, for example, is also known as Black History Month. Many people associate March with the NCAA’s March Madness. There is something else happening in the month of March - something so monumental - so amazing - so “photo worthy” - so painfully ugly that you wouldn’t miss one second of it - March Mustache Madness.

March Madness is overlooked by most but it is an extremely important tribute to the stache. Facial hair is something that grows with age - some of us are born with gorilla genetics that allow us to sport full beards by the age of 13. Others, like me, can grow a rockin’ ‘neard (neck beard) but little else. My upper lip is a devoid wasteland that is occasionally inhabited by as many as three unruly hairs that don’t understand that its no mans land and that they aren’t welcome. Mustaches appear in a variety of sizes, shapes, thickness, and color - The American Mustache Institute has listing of some of the most popular styles.

Many men in history have sported the stache - Presidents, terrorists, celebrities, athletes, and the average Joe. I’ve got a few photos to edit but I’ll upload a gallery of famous mustaches as soon as possible - I’ve collected a few doozies in my search of the internet.

The goal of March Mustache Madness is to get as many people to grow a mustache from 1-31 March and then take a photo that they can share with the world - or just to document the horror. If you want - send your photos to me - I’ll crop them to hide your identity but you can share your wicked stache with the world. This contest is intended for men but I have seen some women with a mustache - some of them are cheating (thank god!) others… others need to shave and lay off the testosterone.

I have a feeling mine is going to be quite gross by the end of the week - at the end of the month people will pay me to shave it off - or they may just laugh at me. High school students grow better mustaches than I do - oh well - here’s to the Madness - let the games begin!