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Well, it’s near the end of the month and many have failed to partake in the madness. I am one of the few left and its probably the most hideous abomination of a mustache on earth. Its so grotesque that I feared breaking my camera. I know that some of you are screaming at the monitor right now in hate because you wanted to end your life but I couldn’t allow something so disgustingly awful to get out. It would be like putting a loaded gun in the hand of every suicidal maniac - its just not worth it. You can rest easy now - there will be no photos of this atrocious beastie - I’ll keep it under wraps for your mental health and wellbeing.

If there was a contest for the ugliest stache I would probably win - thank god they don’t have one - you’ll sleep easier at night.

Do you have a mustache and you’re not sure how to classify it? If the American Mustache Institute didn’t help you out you might have to default to the help of an 8 bit friend - Mario.

Mario is seen sporting a variety of fashionable mustaches - unfortunately, most of these are far too outlandish for the military. I’d be forced to choose something Nordic in nature - like Lars the Viking… yes, I think that would be excellent.

Its a shame that 4 days into the contest people can’t tell that I’m even a contestant - ha! I know, that without a shadow of doubt, I will have the most hellacious, horrendous, obscene mustache ever known to man. This is going to be hilarious.

Throughout the years many people have sported a lip caterpillar - I’ve collected a few photos of some of notable stache bearers - enjoi!

Though deceased, this crooner spotted a wicked entertainer stache sure to help swoon the ladies

Will Ferrell threw back to the 70’s with this stache he sported in the movie Anchorman - what a beautiful thing

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Tags: gallery, images, March Mustache Madness, mustache

Each month of of the year brings something special to our lives - we often associate holidays with particular months. Christmas is associated with December; Halloween is associated with October; St. Patrick’s day is associated with March. Often, we tie themes to entire months - February, for example, is also known as Black History Month. Many people associate March with the NCAA’s March Madness. There is something else happening in the month of March - something so monumental - so amazing - so “photo worthy” - so painfully ugly that you wouldn’t miss one second of it - March Mustache Madness.

March Madness is overlooked by most but it is an extremely important tribute to the stache. Facial hair is something that grows with age - some of us are born with gorilla genetics that allow us to sport full beards by the age of 13. Others, like me, can grow a rockin’ ‘neard (neck beard) but little else. My upper lip is a devoid wasteland that is occasionally inhabited by as many as three unruly hairs that don’t understand that its no mans land and that they aren’t welcome. Mustaches appear in a variety of sizes, shapes, thickness, and color - The American Mustache Institute has listing of some of the most popular styles.

Many men in history have sported the stache - Presidents, terrorists, celebrities, athletes, and the average Joe. I’ve got a few photos to edit but I’ll upload a gallery of famous mustaches as soon as possible - I’ve collected a few doozies in my search of the internet.

The goal of March Mustache Madness is to get as many people to grow a mustache from 1-31 March and then take a photo that they can share with the world - or just to document the horror. If you want - send your photos to me - I’ll crop them to hide your identity but you can share your wicked stache with the world. This contest is intended for men but I have seen some women with a mustache - some of them are cheating (thank god!) others… others need to shave and lay off the testosterone.

I have a feeling mine is going to be quite gross by the end of the week - at the end of the month people will pay me to shave it off - or they may just laugh at me. High school students grow better mustaches than I do - oh well - here’s to the Madness - let the games begin!

I’ve been to many shows in the past and have done my fair share of moshing but I have never been crowd surfing. I think its because I think the practice of doing it is rather inconsiderate. Most of the time you are having a good ole time and then somebody lands on your head, or a boot goes to your head, or and elbow, or… I think you get the point. The other thing that I worry about is loosing anything that might be in my pockets. If I were to move over a pickpocket he could easily steal me blind.

If I were a presidential candidate I’m not sure if I would do it. Alan Keyes did back in 2000. I was part of the pit that drove around central Iowa (courtesy Michael Moore) vying to find a candidate that would mosh with us. Steve Forbes ran away, Bill Bradley’s daughter came out but he wouldn’t make an appearance, another guy called the cops on us. Alan Keyes, well, he met the challenge. As you can see in this photo, there is a secret service guy in a blue coat with a mustache.. he looks rather worried. I wonder why? I am standing right in the front with a giant green coat, long black hair, and brown gloves. I’ve been a hooligan for a while. This is just photographic proof.

Many men have the curse of the gorilla face, the ability to obscure all of their facial features in a days worth of facial hair growth. I, on the other hand, do not have the proper genetic stock to grow such a epic hairy wonder. Instead, I’m doing what many teenagers have done with such futility before me: I’m growing the cheese stash. Yes, you’ve seen it though you may have not heard of it by this name. Its the mustache that can be seen on old women with dark hair and 16 year old boys who haven’t started shaving yet. Heck, there was even girl in my High School that had a mustache more maginificent than I can possibly grow. I will attempt to grow it out because its one of the few things military regulations will allow you to do. Yes, it will look terrible and no, I will not take pictures to document it. I will, however, let you know the first time somebody notices it or gives me crap about it… I love social experiments… especially the ones where everyone else is unaware that the experiment is in progress… well, thats true unless somebody that works with me reads this… Clark, I’m glad you’re on leave.

Right now it looks mostly… terrible. I can’t wait till tommorow so I can see the nonexistent growth.

Side note: I do have facial hair that grows but its a bit uh, patchy at the moment. Anything that is on my chin or on my neck grows quickly.. above the lip? not so much